Well I guess it’s been a while since I last updated this thing with some news (as some of you like to remind me) so here we go!
I’ve been on the self-proclaimed “Mike’s Fantasmagorical New Zealand Road Trip of Epic Proportions” (too over the top?) for 37 days now! For the last 5 weeks I’ve been driving all over the North and South Island of NZ trekking, picking up hitch hikers, hitch hiking myself, making new friends, not showering and finding strange and novel places to get naked.
“Pardon me?!?” you might be asking, “Did you say NOT showering??” To which I will happily answer, yes that’s right my friends, not showering. For almost the entire five weeks. I say almost because though I went the first 28 days straight with no shower, I did have a five day volunteer/work/rest-from-hiking-to-let-feet-heal last week in a hostel where I did indeed shower in the socially accepted conventional way.
But for the first 672 hours that I lived out of my car, tent and the odd back-country hiking hut, the many different waters of NZ have been my shower! I’ve let the giant ocean waves on both sides of this magnificent island thoroughly rinse me, I’ve scrubbed my foul odours away and rubbed new ones in while wallowing in the sulphur hot pools of the Copland track, splashed wildly about in the Arthur’s Pass and Rees-Dart glacial rivers, swam in the frigid streams of the Tongariro and Kepler trails and soaked myself in a plethora of crystal-clear fresh water lakes found just about everywhere. What better way to stay clean than these methods I ask of you? Exactly!
I suppose your next question would be, “Now Mike, what is this hitch hiking you speak of? Are you really just going around picking up backpackers in your car and dumping their mysteriously dead bodies over the cliff edges between the towns of Queenstown and Glenorchy?” I must laugh at this question because everyone knows the cliffs between Queenstown and Glenorchy aren’t nearly large or secluded enough for that at all! Nay friends, hitch hiking is merely a great way to get around NZ. I’ve had some wonderful company on my drives from hitch hikers who’ve shared stories and advice from their travels and have been equally grateful to share with those that have provided me with lifts after long treks. It’s been a great way to meet people and make friends!
“What of all these friend-makings you speak of my boy? What say you on that?” I hear you asking. On this I have much to say! This travelling around stuff has given me so many opportunities to consistently meet new and interesting people from all over the world. Some for brief moments and others I’ve been privilaged to spend more time with and get to know. There was the physics major/firefighter from northern Ontario who would refuse to talk of time, the cosmos and other such topics for fear of panic attacks, but was a great hiking friend for four days and we became quite close, the two Germans who I got drunk with in the hot pools, saw our first glow worms together and partied with a few days later in Queenstown, the Belgium and French couple who I shared my food with as they had none and provided a ride to after a trek and then spent evening with them and their friends till the early hours of the morning drinking and singing the night away, the Israeli who was just out of the army as an interrogator, the continuously talking American that was really cool and nice but was difficult to get a word in with, the 75 year-old dart-playing, horse race betting, hunter who had never been outside of NZ and why should he when he has a country like this, the exchange student who told the story of how at the end of her exchange while she was giving a speech to the auditorium filled with her classmates about her experiences, a few of her Maori peers she had become close with stood up and performed the powerfully emotional Ka Mate tribal dance bringing many to tears and a first seen at that school for such an occasion and, and oh my comrades such a myriad of other such unique encounters. Some I have contact info of for future travels, others just the memories, but memories that will remain with me, making me laugh, chuckle and grin with the thoughts of them.
“And of the hiking? That seems to be all you’re doing!” You may be exclaiming. This is not far off from the truth actually. Though I love hiking, the last many years have not afforded me with much opportunity to do it, that is where NZ has come in, to make up for that lost time. I’ve hiked in five national parks, numerous other little treks between and sometimes made my own trails. I hike fast and hard, turning five day treks into three days, almost always cutting the estimated completion time by at least a third, and yet I still ensure I always appreciate the nature around me. My feet have come to hate me, and I’m pretty sure I have a cracked bone in my left foot and torn tendon in my right, but hey that’s what makes it interesting and challenging. Some of the most memorable hikes have been the trek to the small Arthur’s Pass Wakamiriri Hut nestled on three sides by glacial and snow capped mountains and on the fourth by a stunning waterfall complimented with stars so brilliant in the moonless night, the hike out to the Copland Hot Springs where I completely missed the start of the marked trail and instead followed the river for 8km, at one point literally hacking through very very dense bush but still managing to link up with the trail (this turned out to be a much cooler route than the actual marked on I followed on the way back out hahah), the relaxing day walk to the Cascade Saddle after a hard day’s hike on the Rees-Dart in picture perfect weather and getting to bask in the sun while lying in the grass for two hours in awe of the landscape of glaciers and jagged mountains and of course there’s the most recent multi-mountain ridge-line walk of the Kepler trek which though I didn’t have perfect weather was still strikingly beautiful. Yes, these and many more hikes have been my purpose here in NZ, and this country never fails to deliver.
I suppose the last question you may hesitate to ask would be, “Not to pry, but I do believe you mentioned something about gallivanting about in your birthday suit earlier? What is all this tom-foolery and poppycock about?” You see my friends, there are certain things in my life that are on the “to-do-before-I-die” list. Oddly (or perhaps commonly?) enough a number of them involve being buck naked. One of those items was to stand naked at the top of a mountain. I mentioned before the perfect day of the Cascade Saddle hike, well while I was sun tanning topless up there alone I realized that what better opportunity than now to bare myself to the world! So, after a quick look and seeing only mother nature around I dropped the old pantaloons and drawers, placed my hands on my hips and laughed semi-maniacally as I was free-flying in the gentle breeze. Of course as circumstance would have it, after being the only one there for the previous 45 minutes, not 30 seconds later an unfortunate (or fortunate?) soul happened to come over the ridge-line in site of me wearing only my smile. A slightly awkward moment yet hilariuos one to say the least. There was also when I went un-garbed in those Copland hot springs, swam a few strokes au naturel in the frigid river near the camp site of the Kepler trek and of course as I live out of my car I’m always having to change in or beside it even in cities. It’s a wonderfully strange and exhilarating feeling to throw off the shackles of our clothing-centric society, and one I think we all need to experience every little while.
And with the vivid imagery of the sun reflecting off my stark-naked hiking-sculpted, sun-bronzed Greek* figure my dear readers, I shall bid you adieu!
——————————————————–
*Author’s Note: The word “Greek” may be interchanged with the word “hairy” for more accurate visualization.
